I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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