here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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