you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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