put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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