I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize