the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize