M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
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There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
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So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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