Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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