Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I could make wine with my vomit
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize