My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
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If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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