I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
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