I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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