tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.