Texts From Last Night

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.

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(570): I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk. http://tfl.nu/odgi

Replies (5) Good night (857) Bad night (185)
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(616): View more from Michigan

He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.

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(616): He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/c5ac

Replies (4) Good night (242) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
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(601): View more from Mississippi

When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.

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(601): When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/pgrs

Replies (7) Good night (1233) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that

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(262): Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that http://tfl.nu/fjxw

Replies (7) Good night (258) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
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(303): View more from Colorado

I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies

(1-303): View more from Colorado

You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?

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(303): I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies (1-303): You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you? http://tfl.nu/cczo

Replies (5) Good night (944) Bad night (210) Order T-Shirt
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(850): View more from Florida

No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview

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(850): No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview http://tfl.nu/suz9

Replies (5) Good night (707) Bad night (197) Order T-Shirt
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(212): View more from New York

Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.

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(212): Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals. http://tfl.nu/0i6j

Replies (2) Good night (1242) Bad night (126) Order T-Shirt
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(423): View more from Tennessee

I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in

(1-423): View more from Tennessee

Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home

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(423): I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in (1-423): Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home http://tfl.nu/1crt

Replies (4) Good night (245) Bad night (748)
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(607): View more from New York

Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!

(315): View more from New York

I get naked cuz your not there

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(607): Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?! (315): I get naked cuz your not there http://tfl.nu/p9qb

Replies (12) Good night (1932) Bad night (254)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?

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(303): Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself? http://tfl.nu/1puu

Replies (6) Good night (1075) Bad night (164) Order T-Shirt
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(303): View more from Colorado

ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or

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(303): ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or http://tfl.nu/vwgc

Replies (21) Good night (1168) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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(204): View more from Manitoba

I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot

(1-204): View more from Manitoba

I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship

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(204): I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot (1-204): I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship http://tfl.nu/q28b

Replies (2) Good night (903) Bad night (283)
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(626): View more from California

While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.

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(626): While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid. http://tfl.nu/l2lf

Replies (4) Good night (1260) Bad night (119)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.

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(423): There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears. http://tfl.nu/uyth

Replies (3) Good night (739) Bad night (205) Order T-Shirt
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(817): View more from Texas

Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.

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(817): Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots. http://tfl.nu/sx8s

Replies (6) Good night (126) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt

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