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dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
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