Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (512)

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  They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"

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  (512): They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do" http://tfl.nu/5kcu
  Replies (8) Good night (2713) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?

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  (512): My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches? http://tfl.nu/d2yt
  Replies (11) Good night (416) Bad night (1695) Order T-Shirt
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  I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.

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  (512): I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you. http://tfl.nu/8f7o
  Replies (4) Good night (523) Bad night (899)
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  My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.

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  (512): My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes. http://tfl.nu/b90a
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  hey the jello shots wont freeze

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  How much Everclear did you put in them?

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  uhhh all of it

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  (512): hey the jello shots wont freeze (1-512): How much Everclear did you put in them? (512): uhhh all of it http://tfl.nu/x77r
  Replies (4) Good night (1481) Bad night (266)
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  The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning

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  (512): The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning http://tfl.nu/lha0
  Replies (3) Good night (1263) Bad night (276) Order T-Shirt
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  Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.

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  (512): Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely. http://tfl.nu/gnvv
  Replies (4) Good night (891) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
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  I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!

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  (512): I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS! http://tfl.nu/2uiu
  Replies (5) Good night (2126) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
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  Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.

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  That would explain all the random shit in my room...

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  (979): Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty. (512): That would explain all the random shit in my room... http://tfl.nu/75zy
  Replies (2) Good night (1462) Bad night (246)
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  I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...

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  (512): I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to... http://tfl.nu/6eke
  Replies (13) Good night (456) Bad night (1691)
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  I just really need a hug and a shower beer

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  (512): I just really need a hug and a shower beer http://tfl.nu/4ssr
  Replies (5) Good night (745) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
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  We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.

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  (512): We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents. http://tfl.nu/1dqy
  Replies (10) Good night (1446) Bad night (233) Order T-Shirt
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  Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.

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  (512): Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America. http://tfl.nu/xibs
  Replies (1) Good night (1694) Bad night (284) Order T-Shirt
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  You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.

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  (512): You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits. http://tfl.nu/ddql
  Replies (6) Good night (1320) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
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  Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.

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  (512): Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL. http://tfl.nu/149w
  Replies (12) Good night (553) Bad night (1974) Order T-Shirt