Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (512)

Last Night in Texas (512)

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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?

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(512): I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day? http://tfl.nu/bpfn

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Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night

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(512): Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night http://tfl.nu/ggi7

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Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.

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(512): Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail. http://tfl.nu/3erx

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Was I asleep on the ride home?

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Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.

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(512): Was I asleep on the ride home? (1-512): Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face. http://tfl.nu/zq2f

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I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.

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I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.

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(512): I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland. (1-512): I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies. http://tfl.nu/m9ig

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You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.

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(512): You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor. http://tfl.nu/8xpn

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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?

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(512): did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz? http://tfl.nu/l1f0

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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.

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(512): Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night. http://tfl.nu/nub3

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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.

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Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.

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(817): I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night. (512): Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there. http://tfl.nu/r01e

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I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.

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(512): I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover. http://tfl.nu/wwf5

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There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.

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(512): There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls. http://tfl.nu/qrvu

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I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.

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(512): I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again. http://tfl.nu/arot

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I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though

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(512): I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though http://tfl.nu/zufj

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He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear

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(512): He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear http://tfl.nu/jwyg

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Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.

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(512): Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate. http://tfl.nu/mywp

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Last Night in Texas (512)

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