Texts From Last Night

Texts from February, 2012

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  (512): View more from Texas

  Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong

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  (512): Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong http://tfl.nu/wvqv
  Replies (14) Good night (2736) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.

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  (214): ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room. http://tfl.nu/r3lr
  Replies (11) Good night (381) Bad night (1129) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me

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  (214): I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me http://tfl.nu/sx3p
  Replies (9) Good night (1365) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him

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  (216): there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him http://tfl.nu/zgop
  Replies (1) Good night (1102) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.

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  (215): so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/j7g1
  Replies (12) Good night (1288) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.

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  (+44): I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it. http://tfl.nu/xxfg
  Replies (3) Good night (2061) Bad night (404)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream

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  (828): Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream http://tfl.nu/n2ta
  Replies (12) Good night (2384) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously

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  (617): A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously http://tfl.nu/7jfj
  Replies (4) Good night (2533) Bad night (432)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.

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  (703): just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail. http://tfl.nu/7539
  Replies (6) Good night (1668) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.

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  (248): Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball. http://tfl.nu/g33p
  Replies (4) Good night (675) Bad night (1349) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.

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  (781): They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me. http://tfl.nu/xmpj
  Replies (3) Good night (415) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.

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  (360): Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour. http://tfl.nu/4726
  Replies (2) Good night (1277) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.

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  (417): Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink. http://tfl.nu/412l
  Replies (5) Good night (1861) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater

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  (506): She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater http://tfl.nu/6nsz
  Replies (14) Good night (415) Bad night (2330) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.

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  (916): Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you. http://tfl.nu/jbv6
  Replies (11) Good night (2872) Bad night (789)