I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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