have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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