So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
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Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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