We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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