She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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