She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
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I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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