he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
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you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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