you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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