If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize