then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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