you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
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I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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