Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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