I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You ruined the universe
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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