Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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