I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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