Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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