$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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