when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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