Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize