Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize