i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize