once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I love you.
Bad choice
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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