I heard we made out
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize