theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
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My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
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So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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