last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize