there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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