Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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