hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Randomize