Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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