Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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