we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
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He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
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I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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