If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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