I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
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we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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