remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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