Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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